Forgiveness Doesn’t Work While You’re Still Bleeding

We hear it all the time: “You just need to forgive so you can move on.”
But let me tell you the truth — you can’t forgive what’s still hurting you.

Forgiveness is powerful. Healing is holy. But neither can begin when the wound is still wide open and bleeding. You can’t heal in the same environment that hurt you. And you sure as hell can’t be expected to forgive someone who keeps reopening the cut every time you start to scab over.

This isn’t about holding grudges. This isn’t about being bitter. This is about being real.

Forgiveness requires safety.
It requires stability.
It requires an end to the harm.

If you're in a situation where the pain hasn’t stopped—where you're still being lied to, manipulated, gaslit, ignored, blamed, dismissed, or disrespected—then no, you can’t forgive yet.
You’re not cold.
You’re not broken.
You’re not failing some spiritual test.

You’re just still bleeding.

Stop the Bleeding Before You Start the Healing

There is a huge difference between holding onto the past and holding onto the present truth.
And that’s what people don’t always get. They’ll accuse you of not letting things go, when really — you’re just acknowledging that things haven’t actually changed.

It’s like someone stabbing you in the arm and then saying, “Come on, why are you still mad? That was five minutes ago.”
Because the knife is still in my damn arm. That’s why.

Forgiveness is a sacred act of release. But you can’t release something that’s still active. You can’t patch a wound that keeps getting ripped open. That’s not forgiveness. That’s self-abandonment. And we’re not doing that anymore.

This Isn’t About Them. It’s About You.

This post isn’t about the person who hurt you.
This is about you.

This is about helping you see that your struggle to forgive isn’t a sign that you’re bitter or hard-hearted or spiritually behind. It might actually be a sign that your intuition is working perfectly.

Because your body knows when the threat is still present.
Your soul knows when something isn’t safe.
Your nervous system knows when the wound hasn’t stopped bleeding.

So instead of judging yourself for struggling to forgive, take a breath and ask:

• Am I still being wounded?

• Is the bleeding still happening?

• Is the harm still active in some form?

If the answer is yes, then you’re not “holding on to the past.”
You’re holding on to the truth of the present.

And that’s a radically brave thing to do.

Forgiveness Requires a Turning Point

Forgiveness becomes possible when the bleeding stops.
When the harm is acknowledged.
When the truth is owned.
When the cycle is broken.
When there is actual safety.
That’s when healing can begin. That’s when your heart can breathe again.

So if you’re still in the middle of it, stop trying to force healing where there is no peace yet.
You’re not being mean.
You’re being honest.
You’re not holding a grudge.
You’re holding a boundary.

And that is not the same thing.

Give Yourself Permission to Be Where You Are

If you’ve been blaming yourself for not being able to let go…
If you’ve been told you’re unforgiving because you still feel hurt…
If you’ve been stuck in a cycle of trying to “be the bigger person” while still bleeding out emotionally…

Let this be your reframe.

You don’t owe anyone a rushed forgiveness.
You owe yourself a full restoration.

The wound has to stop before the healing can start.

You’re not behind.
You’re not wrong.
You’re still bleeding.

And once the bleeding stops — I promise, the healing will come.